A Call to Action

Talk about a turnaround! Yesterday, I cried the hardest and longest I have cried in literally years, and a time or two I was screaming at the top of my lungs (something I am very glad to have put behind me after years of distorted clairaudience, or as my the system would call it, psychosis). As you can imagine, I was drinking pretty furiously, and blogging was out of the question. But today, I pushed myself to halve my number of drinks, and it has been a good and productive day!

Yesterday started off about as bad as it possibly could. I was awakened at 7:00 a.m. (hours before I was ready to get up) by these beings, apropos of nothing, assailing me with details of how my life was "supposed" to go, and what a wretched failure I am for derailing so completely. According to them, had I not been put on psych meds as a child (or if I had managed to get off them), I would have experienced my spiritual awakening much earlier, triggered by the music of Tori Amos (the muse of my young adult years. And if anyone can claim their blood, it's her!) I would also have continued to pursue my dream of writing and could have collaborated with these beings at least a decade sooner. As anyone who knows me knows, regret is kind of a thing for me, so to say I was devastated would be an understatement. But of course, the more I drank to numb my shame and horror (and to numb my mind to the verbal assault), the more my vibration went down, and the worse the attacks became. My insistence that my mother is the one to blame for putting me on medication at age 10 was thrown back in my face as me not taking responsibility for my own life, and my protests that I have tried to get off meds more times than I can count fell on deaf ears.

But somewhere in the course of all this, it was communicated to me that the drinking has to stop, and I guess it got through to me this time. So today, in honor of their wishes (and my own), I experimented with holding off on drinking until later in the day. This didn't go as badly as I feared, but it was no picnic. My mood was down, my stress was up, I kept feeling like crying, and I was having a really hard time staying engaged with and focused on my editing work. So, I finally decided to roll the dice and try a drink. Surprisingly, they have been much gentler and more supportive of me today - I guess me at least making an effort pleased them.

I'm still at five drinks today, which is not ideal, but again, that's a 50% reduction in twenty-four hours. My goal for the immediate future is three drinks a day - morning, afternoon, and evening - just to keep me grounded. Spreading them out this way minimizes the vibrational impact of the alcohol, but still allows for a sense of release. These beings were not happy when I passed drink number three, but I feel like they know my heart is in the right place. Because the truth is, I don't want to be drinking more than three drinks a day. As these beings pointed out, it is poisoning every aspect of my life (my body, my relationship, my mental health, my vibration, and even the energy around the places where I like to drink and smoke cigarettes). Not to mention, it ain't cheap to drink like this - not now that I have turned my back on hard liquor.

I am so excited and so grateful to these beings that I now have a momentous reason to clean up my act. It has always felt like it would be a slog through endless days of misery, but now it feels like the sun is coming up over the horizon. Everything I am dreaming of is ahead of me. All I have to do is keep moving forward.