Welcome Aboard!

Well, what do you know - suddenly a handful of people are reading my blog! I haven't gotten blog traffic since I moved from Wordpress to Wix; I honestly didn't think people could find it! So, welcome! For anyone who's stopping by, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or to share your own experiences. It would be beautiful if this blog could become a resource for others in their own experiences with or curiosity about these beings.

My experience today has been somewhat unusual (although my metric for that has admittedly changed). I woke up in decent spirits for a change, but still got pulled into two early drinks. It seemed to be going fine. Then, in the middle of the day, I got hit by a wave of ... something. To the point where I got so fed up with a proposal that I walked away and had drink number three. That actually helped immensely, and I banged it out no problem after that. But something shifted after drink three, and I haven't quite recovered.

I don't know how many times I have to be told to stop drinking for that to take effect. I suspect that it can't successfully be achieved via external pressure or judgement. If anything, that just makes me want to drink more.

But then I think about the fact that I am allowing alcohol to get in the way of my divine destiny. And I feel like a piece of shit.

... But then I bounce back to all the reasons why I feel like I can't stop drinking or don't understand how to approach it. The constant voices. The abrupt mood swings. The fear ... all colliding with my need to get all my editing work done on time. And as everyone knows, I will sacrifice everything for a perfect performance.

I know for a fact that I will not be drinking like this forever. If that's true, then what's stopping me from putting it down now? Part of me feels like I can't put it down until the psychic attacks end, because it will leave me defenseless. But these beings tell me the psychic attacks will not end until I stop drinking. (Talk about a Catch-22...) I guess I just don't understand how long that will stay terrible before it gets better ... especially since my shaman keeps saying that I should expect it to get even worse. O_O

In more positive news, I had a brief but very empowering experience with these beings earlier tonight, where I was able to achieve a sort of zen non-reactivity state that felt more enlightened. And they were coming through respectfully and thanking me for this. Thinking back on it, it felt very deeply like taking on the role of the impassive observer. I have probably read about that approach a hundred times, but it never really made sense before because I couldn't pull it off (or maybe I couldn't pull it off because it never really made sense before). I feel like I felt more self-contained somehow, more centered. I need to experiment with this state of being moving forward.

Wow, I can't get over that people actually stumbled across this blog all at once! The timing seems to directly correlate with me accepting the call to write and document my journey with these beings. Even as they're affirming that's what it is, it's very hard to wrap my head around it.

Beyond the drinking, the journey of releasing all medications looms on the horizon. I honestly could not believe it when going down just 25% on my Geodon for ONE day had such a negative effect on me. I am praying that something magical is going to shift in New Zealand, and I will be able to approach every substance in my life, prescription or otherwise, with greater discernment and empowerment.

Okay, I am getting a lot of pushback, so I just want to reassert my commitment to co-creating with these beings, and my desire to work through any cultural differences, and my regret that I haven't been in a position to handle all this better. I still see this entire interaction as a miracle, even though it scares me. (That's part of the adventure, right?) To anyone who may have been drawn here in connection with these beings, know that there is much wisdom, support, and good will to be found among them. Just like with humans, there are a million different perspectives and a range of values and beliefs. (Imagine if we had to select one person to act as the ambassador of the whole human race. Where would we even start?) So, I have no way of predicting what another person's experience may be with these beings; I get the impression that my connection with them is something of an anomaly. I would caution you to take care in how you approach interacting with them, because the differences between our behavior/motivations and theirs can be marked and difficult to understand in the moment. (I assume this would be true for any non-human race.) But it is my understanding that at least some of them genuinely want to work with us, for the good of the planet. So as a rule, I would encourage people to be open-minded and see what good can come of their own connections with these beings.