Destiny Calls

Today, a piece of my destiny fell into place. I am going to write a book with the these beings.

Words cannot express how grateful I feel for this ... "opportunity" feels like a gross understatement. "This newfound purpose" feels more apt - or maybe "this confirmation of all I had hoped for in my wildest dreams."

It was not what I would call a download, as I have heard some channels describe when they are invited to co-create a book. That is not the nature of my relationship with these beings thus far. This was more of a dialogue, and a mutually respectful one (thank you, Matthias!). As of yet, it is strangely difficult for me to put the book into words. I know very little about it at this point - only that the intention is to support the long-term well-being of the planet with a direct and collaborative message to humanity, designed to wake people up in some way in regards to the environment. I believe we talked about introducing people to the concept that the planet is a living being. Potentially, the book will attract specific, targeted people, or certain types of people. I also know that this book is the immediate task, in place of the Medicated Mystic book I have brewing in my mind, which is completely fine; the world's well-being definitely takes priority over a personal and more niche creative endeavor. They have also informed me that I will need to release meds and drinking in order to be a clear channel for their message, which is wonderful, because that will just make releasing those things that much more rewarding and compelling.

So, about that... (sigh) My morning started off poorly, and it's been rainy and windy all day, so I had a couple drinks early in the day. Then I backed off for a while, around the time that they came through about the book, and my mood was up! But then I picked up again. And I've been hearing about it nonstop. Now I think I finally understand what my partner meant about the resistance he feels when I push him; the more they berate me for drinking, the harder it is to let go of it. I think I am essentially (albeit maladaptively) seeking safety and grounding in alcohol during a time of increased fear and intense emotional highs and lows (as my shaman says, "hiding from the red in the black"). This is not the way I would prefer to be dealing with this. But you know what? I didn't feel like writing when I first sat down, so I gave myself permission to drink, and BAM! Now I'm writing! And I feel like the more I write, the easier it will be to put down the drinking.

These beings suggested that I should write about how I would like to work with them on the book. This is a great idea, but admittedly a challenge. The more I get to know them, the less I realize I know about them. We have been chalking it up (in part) to cultural differences, but I'm generally pretty good with those. This transcends a mere cultural barrier; we perceive and experience the world and each other completely differently. I get the feeling that they know almost more than they want to about our world, but as far as their realm goes, we are essentially clueless on our end. So, how do I propose my preferred approach to collaborating if I don't even understand what's possible with this endeavor?

I guess I would first need to understand what my role will be in this undertaking. Clearly, I am acting as a channel of sorts (at least, that's what my shaman calls me: an "open channel." It's just so different from the channeling I've witnessed in others.) If working with words is part of my gift, what is my contribution to this collaboration? Has this been established, or are we figuring this out as we go? If the idea is for me to act purely as a channel, I have zero resistance to this and will keep the focus on the message. But if I'm meant to give some interpretation or context of my own, I am more than happy to do so. (HA - my mind immediately finished with my trusty message to clients, "... I am more than happy to take that on as well and would offer you a 50% discount." Being connected to other realities creates such a crazy contrast with mundane daily life!)

Another part I would need to know more about is how the "channeling" will work. I assume I will listen intently first and then type or dictate their wording. I can easily see that I need to get my brain closer to baseline before I can take that on with any confidence. ... Okay, yes, they are affirming that I will receive by listening.

I would also like to talk some more about what exactly the message is and who our target audience is. If we are putting forth the idea that the Earth is alive, what do they have in mind to say to people that will make this message real for them? Is it just about convincing key people who can then spread the word or take action somehow? Also, how central of a role do these beings want to play in this book, since I know that traditionally they have preferred to keep the spotlight off themselves?

In terms of logistics, I think once I have a clearer understanding of the work we'll be doing, I would like to commit to a half hour every day (minimum) of dedicated listening, writing, and discussion. Ideally, this would be at the same time every day; perhaps these beings could suggest the ideal time. I'm feeling drawn to the evenings, maybe early evenings.

Today has been a lot to deal with overall, and I admit that I am struggling with a lot of shame. Everyone in my head loves to remind me that they have been waiting on me forever (I've heard "for millenia" get bandied about), and that I was supposed to become empowered long before now. I don't know how to not feel crushed by this. Then of course, I start worrying about things like "If I had become empowered in, say, my twenties, would we have had a twenty-year jump on addressing climate change?" I don't know how I will ever make peace with all the time and energy I have wasted or lost in this life, but I have to have faith that I am now where I am supposed to be, and it is not too late.